twitter this

I loved “Outsource This!” from the Jan, 23 edition of the New Yorker.

I’ve cut and pasted it below (and here’s the link to the story)

More  often than I’d like, our conversations seem to be about social media and how it works!

For example (setting, last Friday night at wine bar. Music playing loudly and hard to hear each other)

Martha: ??? Do you understand this? If you like me on my facebook page, you can get an excerpt of my new book, but I’ve been clicking it and nothing happens.

Me: I don’t see any link.

Clare emails: Martha, tell Christine to … (you get my drift)

new conversation (dinner after art opening 11:30 p.m. Thursday night):

Carol (artist friend who works all night, and goes to sleep at 4 or 5 a.m.): “Does anyone want my IPhone class at 7:30 tomorrow morning?

There are no takers. Me. Carol, that’s your bedtime.

Carol: I know. What was I thinking?

Another conversation. back at the wine bar.

Me: I don’t get twitter. I don’t really have the time to read all that stuff people twitter about.

Clare: Well, I’d never follow you. I don’t care what you have to say. I live next door to you…

And it goes on and on…

OUTSOURCE THIS! By Gary Shteyngart

@Shteyngart Like most busy mega-celebrities, I’ve decided to outsource my tweets.

#Outsourced2India Namaste, everyone! This is the Real Gary Shteyngart from NYC, USA!

#Outsourced2India Savoured some excellent aloo parathas at the test match against Pakistan.

#Outsourced2India I meant to say, enjoyed a bang-up FilletO’Cheese at the NJ Giants Sporting Centre. Go, squadron!

#Outsourced2India Looking out my window I can see the No. 6 train, pulling out of Union Square Terminus.

#Outsourced2India So many people clinging to the No. 6 train today! They must be heading to their villages for Diwali holiday.

#Outsourced2India Just found out they’re out-outsourcing the Real Gary to Italy because the rupee is strong & euro about to collapse.

#Outsourced2Italy Ciao, tutti! I am the Gari Autentico. I make the tweet about my real life in a new york.

#Outsourced2Italy O Madonna! My mistress and my mother shes fight about where to make the ski, Cervinia or Monte Bianco.

#Outsourced2Italy Brought laundry to my mama, she also wash the shoe, and we plan my 63rd birthday party with the cake and the stripper.

#Outsource2Italy Oggi I go to the bank but they say I have none the money. I vote Berlusconi 10 years, how this happen?

#Outsourced2Italy Porca miseria! My mistress is the Calabrese she make a violence on my face and now my wife she see.

#Outsourced2Italy I buy the lighter from the Nigerian at the mercato and give to my Filipina and now she is on fire. Che disastro!

#Outsourced2Italy Autentico Gari commence the 6-week ski in Monte Bianco. I out-out-outsource to Belarus. Ciao, ragazze.

#Outsourced2Minsk Hello. It is Real Gary. I am depressed.

#Outsourced2Minsk Still depressed.

#Outsourced2Minsk Drunk and depressed.

#Outsourced2Minsk Just drunk.

#Outsourced2Minsk Best friend Oleg throw me out of his Lada. He beat me. I beat him. Depressed.

#Outsourced2Minsk Drunk with Oleg. Now he is Best Friend FOREVER. I am so happy. Depressed.

#Outsourced2Minsk Ice fishing with BFF Oleg. He throw me in hole. I beat him. Depressed.

#Outsourced2Minsk Wife leaving for Moscow to be “hand model.” Very depressed.

#Outsourced2Minsk Got 10 years in labor camp for wearing wrong shirt to parade. Whatever. Outsourcing continues to Korea.

#Outsourced2Seoul Annyeong haseyo! This is the Real Gary Shteyngart, ranked 1,546th important American writer.

#Outsourced2Seoul Today Pastor Choi say Jesus have 2.2 billion followers, I have only 5,165. I feel a big shame in front of pastor.

#Outsourced2Seoul I must get Science of Tweeting Ph.D. at Dongguk University. This give me “leg up.”

#Outsourced2Seoul Stayed up 72 hours studying @AlecBaldwin tweets. He is top successful American, probably went to Harvard.

#Outsourced2Seoul Going out to Lotte World with pretty Ewha graduate Hong, Eun-hee!

#Outsourced2Seoul Find out Hong, Eun-hee parents want only Korea Tech graduate for Eun-hee and also Methodist. I feel a big shame.

#Outsourced2Seoul Appa compare me with my cool younger brother Dong Min (Dougie) who already tweet for Jennifer Weiner. I feel a big shame.

#Outsourced2Seoul Umma say I must make tweet funnier. Today my leg crushed by truck because I was thinking abt work! HA HA Now in hospital.

#Outsourced2Seoul Tweet boss say I am not A-team. I am maybe B-team or C-team. I feel a big shame in front of him. Also family.

#Outsourced2Seoul Standing on Mapo Bridge over Han River. I have no wife, no car, no top college degree, no leg. Wish I could outsource myse

#Outsourced2Seoul Last tweet was over 140 characters. Please accept my sincere apologies for this horrible mistake. Goodbye, cruel wo ♦

Twitter photos: Tweetphoto and Tweetpic

Made an interesting discovery this morning. I was fooling around with my two twitter accounts and wondered how to upload photos. It’s just a drag and drop process with the TweetDeck (it uploads to TweetPic). It can also be done from TweetPhoto — Both can be signed in by using a Twitter password. Either I’m getting smarter, or it’s getting easier…

I can never tell when I’m in the mood to add a good photo! Like this one, taken while visiting the Asian Art Museum in San Francisco this summer.

SEO Traffic Builders for Blogs

I just learned something that is probably new to only me, but I think this is going to turn out to be helpful, so…

I started studying seo (search engine optimization) a couple of years ago, I guess, when I put up my first site (go2florida4vacationrentals.com). The whole project was a first. I was learning how to build sites and, along with that, of course, how to do the research to market sites.

Wordtracker came up pretty quickly during my research. At that time, you could buy the service for a day or so — you can’t do that anymore.

Now, though, I see a new Wordtracker program for SEO for Bloggers. You download the program. It’s free (I wonder for how long). Once you download it, a “W” logo appears at the bottom right of your Firefox window. When you write a post, you can double click it and a sidebar opens up next to the post you are writing, and you can check out keywords that you might want to include in your post (or add as tags). Seems like a good idea!

Here’s what I did for this post. I entered “SEO for blogs” and this is what was returned: “seo traffic builders for blogs.” So, guess I will use that for my page title and tag and I will watch what happens (because, by the way, I’ve already used the statistics plugin for WordPress, so I can see watch what happens with page views…)

I see that the All in One SEO plugin is somewhat similar, in that it will allow you to create a keyword rich title and add keywords, but, of course, does not help you choose keywords.

a little about the wordpress api key

in case you don’t know.

I have three blogs, all are what is called “self hosted.” That means that each of the blogs are attached to my three sites, and you don’t get to them through wordpress. One of the blogs was receiving a ton of spam. and I could not get the spam plugin to work, because I couldn’t find any wordpress api key on my admin or profile pages. Here’s what I found out. The key that I needed was on my wordpress account. I had to log in using my user name to wordpress, and voila, i found the key.

Sounds simple enough. However, it took some thought. I have three user names and two emails attached to my blogs. If I were to change a password, did that mean that I would bollux up my accounts? Well, I’m glad to report, no.

So, life is sweet, short and simple. today at least.